I’ve been enjoying a blog called One Thousand Single Days by Vanessa Katsoolis who has decided to stay single and celibate for 1000 days. Vanessa’s journey is to explore being just herself without the distraction and focus (and heartbreak?) of love. I applaud her decision to focus on herself for a while.
I was watching her in an interview today (great job, Vanessa!) and noticed that the word “single” and “celibate” seemed to be linked together and somewhat interchangeable.
Which got me thinking … if heels-over-your-head sex with the person you are in love with is not an option – what’s are the choices for a single girl?
For me, celibate ain’t it! I like sex. I like the intimacy, the sensuality, the touch, the give and take of pleasure, the sheer giggly fun and even the cuddling. Yup, I admit it – I’m a snuggler.
But, I have also never been one to hook up with a different person every weekend. Um, or every month even. So, single and sowing my oats seems unrealistic and a lot of pressure for me. Plus, now that I’m in my 40s I just can’t stay up really late every night and still function at work the next day (geez, could I sound any more boring?!).
Don’t get me wrong; one night stands can certainly be fun. But, they do kind of lack heart or soul after a while. I mean, I like to at least LIKE the person in order to have sex with them. It’s not like I’m there solely for the conversation but the mind is probably the most important sex organ for me so it needs a bit of stimulation, too.
I once was hooking up with a guy who was sweet and sexy and interesting and then I stumbled upon the fact that he didn’t believe in evolution. When he revealed that he believed that the earth was only 6,000 years old my brain shut down every erogenous zone in my body.
Friends with benefits is a great option, if you can find it. Two friends, who like each other and find each other sexy and interesting but who don’t have the expectation of commitment. As they say, nice job if you can get. But, there’s the rub and not in a nice massage rub kind of way. It’s a hard balance to strike. And, when one person’s expectations change, in can be a train wreck of hurt feelings.
And then there’s open relationships. I have great admiration for couples who trust and communication is strong enough for an open relationship. I’m not sure I could do that. But as a single woman, it has provided some pretty fun nights. So, my hats off to you (and sometimes some of my other clothes).
I’m not sure where that leaves us singles. But, I know for sure that while celibate is one option, I am pretty thankful we’ve moved passed the days when it’s the only option. At least here in my part of the world. And while sometimes my celibate stretches go on longer than I might choose, I’ll take no sex over bad sex any day – and that includes no-self-respect sex.
A good friend recently said to me that if you passed around a bowl of all different kinds of candy, we would all choose something different and that we should celebrate that variety.
Here’s to your sweet tooth.