I think I need to be more specific about what I pray for.

My word for this year is joy. I wrote about what that means in the broader sense but one of the specific joys that want to feel again is the amazing feeling that I have when I run.  There is a point in the run where I move from hating it to loving it. It’s probably that moment where my mind gives up fighting me and decides to work with me. It’d be nice if my mind would give up earlier in the run but I guess it’s a slow learner.

My mind seems to have an endless supply of  reasons excuses to keep me from wrestling into the workout bra and lacing my shoes. It’s too dark and not safe, it’s raining, getting more sleep is healthy, people will see me, I should check my e-mail/facebook/twitter first, it means I have to shower/wash/style my hair after, mercury is in retrograde. Whatever.

So, I’ve been praying for the willingness to get out there and just do it.  To give me a boost, I signed up for a training clinic for a 10K run which runs at 9am on Sunday morning. I knew I would miss the first two weeks but I’ve done the clinic before so I had the training schedule for the first two weeks so I figured I do them on my own. Plus, the training run is through a forested area of my city which is just beautiful.

Last Sunday was the first day of the clinic for me. I did not do the first two weeks on my own (surprise, surprise). Somehow the hacking cough I’ve developed and a trip to Hawaii seemed like good reasons excuses.

But, here’s the miracle. I got out of bed (after being up very late celebrating the night before) and made it to the clinic. I did the third-week run and loved it. The clinic leader was incredible and supportive in just the right way for me. None of that faster, higher, stronger crap. Just a gentle encouragement and a reminder to be in the now of the run and not worry about anything or anyone else.

There was a great moment when I was worrying about people passing us on the forest trail and she said, “just keep to the right and don’t worry about anyone else. You don’t have to manage the forest.” Heh heh, it’s like she knew me.

So, all is good, right? Yeah, this is where my prayers went sideways. Because my knee decided that, despite all evidence to the contrary, it wasn’t ready to be fully healed from my fall last October. It swelled up and I could hardly walk for three days.

So now, for the first time in my life I really WANT to go running. I was excited about feeling healthier, happier and stronger. I have the willingness but now not the capability.  Oh, the irony. I’m like a stranger in a strange land, here.

So, it’s off to the physiotherapist for me. And, an alternate plan of hopefully walking or swimming or something!

And, maybe some prayers for patience as well.