Walking through fire … literally!

They say that life happens at the edge of your comfort zone. If that’s true, I certainly experienced life this weekend.

In my desire to bring the joy of singing back into my life, I’ve teamed up with an old band-mate to rejuvenate our band. This weekend was our first public gig at a Festival outside Edmonton.

I’ll get to that in a second. Because one of the other things that happened at this Festival was a fire walk. Yup, that’s right. The chance to walk on hot coals. Given my emerging theme of fire so far this year how could I possibly not do this?

On the other hand, it’s burning coals. How could I possibly do that!!

Which brought me to that pivotal moment that so marks life and growth and learning and healing. That timeless moment when you really want to do something but are really afraid. That balance point between “I really want to do this” and “I really don’t think I can do this”.

For me, it is a stripped down moment of clarity when I come face to face with the essence of me. The anxiety that holds me back in perfect counterbalance with the force that drives me forward. The angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other.

But instead of trying to get rid of the anxiety, I am learning to let it be. To stop and connect to that still, quiet inner space in my heart and ask it, “Who do you want to be in the world? How do you want to be in this world?” And, then accept the answer. Maybe I am someone who walks over hot coals. Maybe I’m someone not ready for that. Either way is okay. But, what I’m not okay with is letting fear make the decision for me. Of having regrets rather than good memories. As Shirley Valentine would say, of having a little life with all those unused parts.

Turns out, at least this weekend I was someone who could walk over hot coals. And, someone who could walk over broken glass which is what we did first to practice for the fire. And, I was someone who could get up on stage and sing. An act which requires me to lower the walls of defense and risk. Risk being seen and heard. Perhaps only when those walls come down can the joy come through. And, maybe, sometimes that takes a little fire.

A lot of life happened this weekend. In all it’s uncomfortable glory.

Walking on glass …