When I picked fierce as my word for this year, I had no idea that the Universe would so quickly and eagerly leap to answer my invitation!
The idea of being fierce was to be clear in walking my path. To be 100% fully me in my life. Fierce, as defined by the Urban Dictionary –
the combination of a positive mental spirit, bold words and unapologetic actions used collectively.
I think I should have also ordered a large dose of bravery to go with that fierceness.
Because here’s what I’m learning in just the first few weeks of my word. I have a pretty good idea of what I want to do and how I want to be in this life. So deciding *what* to do isn’t the issue. The issue is in putting it into action. In stating my truth and then letting the chips fall where they may.
There is a terrifying moment when you state your truth and it hangs there in the air in frozen silence and you wait to see how it will be received.
I am afraid of the falling chips. Of disappointing my friends and loved ones. Of letting people down. Of making anyone feel sad. Or angry. Of being anything less than perfect. Of not being what others want me to be. What I am “supposed” to be.
In this integrated, intertwined world of mine, decisions have ripples. I am afraid that they will become waves.
I’ve already made some hard decisions, taken some firm actions and drawn some boundaries. I’m not sure how they’ll be received. But, even in just these first few forays into being fierce, I already know what has been holding me back.
So, I guess I’ll see how the waves are this year. I hope that true friends, who know the real me, will support me and celebrate in my journey. Those who don’t can be forgiven for not knowing the real me. After all, what have I shown them?
Already the Universe has brought some amazing new possibilities into my life. And, I am more excited for this year than I have been in a long time. Especially in a cold, dark and rainy January.
I guess I’ll see how many friends I have left at the end of the year!