My birthday in pictures (and one video)
Reply
Author Archives: WendyA
Music Monday – My thanks
I want to thank you for your generosity,
The love, and the honesty that you gave to me
And I never could have gone this far without you
For everything you’ve done
I want to thank you, show my gratitude,
My love and my respect for you
I want to thank you, thank you
Quirkyalone
I think I may be a quirkyalone.
A few weeks ago, I wrote about how I needed a new word for single. A few days later, the Universe in the form of Amazon shipped me a book by Sasha Cagen called, “Quirkyalone; a Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics“.
Now, clearly I had ordered this book at some time in the distant past. Distant enough that I’d forgotten about it. Fortunately, Amazon has a better filing system than my brain and the book had emerged off of the backorder pile and found it’s way to my mailbox.
Cagen says, “Quirkyalones are people who enjoy being single (but are not opposed to being in a relationship) and prefer being single to dating for the sake of being in a relationship. Fundamentally, quirkyalone isn’t so much about being alone as it is about connection: with yourself and others. It’s about liberating yourself from the expected road maps to discover your own. It’s about developing comfort with aloneness and recognizing that comfort is crucial to being with someone else.”
At first, I thought “aha!”, I am a quirkyalone. This newish, emergent me fits the description to a “q”. I am self-reflective, I believe that life can be prosperous and great with or without a mate, I create and maintain chosen families as friends, I’d rather be alone than be in a relationship where I have to hold back an essential part of myself, I’m not opposed to dating but prefer not to date for social convention and I’ve had a glimpse of a great love relationship and am open to the possibility of finding a similar experience. Hallmarks of a quirkyalone, according to Cohen.
Oh, and my talent for deconstructing love songs is definitely equal only to my vulnerability to them!
But, as I kept reading about quirkyaloneness, and the related quirkytogether and quirckyslut, I started to think “but, wait, isn’t everyone like this?” And, then, more dangerously, “Wait, shouldn’t everyone be like this?”
Doesn’t everyone like long walks by themselves? Sit on the beach and reflect? Prefer being alone for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong reasons? Go the movies alone? Enjoy an evening at home alone? Fit the description above?
As usual, it was my chosen sister S. who grounded me and brought me back to reality. No, everyone is not like that. Really, I said? Yes, she said. Which is totally okay. Agreed.
I think that the reason I headed off down that line of thinking is that the description of quirkyalone just seems like a healthier version of me. A version where I celebrate solitude rather than struggle with loneliness. Where I set free the creativity of my quirkiness, rather than stifle it with the expectations of this culture. Where I am proud of the “I am” rather than shameful of the “I should be”.
I supposed next time I’m asked if I’m single, I could say “I’m a quirkyalone”. But that seems a bit, well, overly-quirky. I think I’ll just say “yes” and let it go at that.
I’m think I’m a quirkyalone. And I am just fine with that.
Wordless Wednesday – Breakfast Table
Image
Music Monday – Free as a Bird
Doing exactly what I want
Don’t care what you think of me
I’m free, free as a bird
I’m free, free as a bird
Clearing space
On Saturday, I spent several hours gardening in a labyrinth.
Now, I am not a gardener. My rooftop patio has not a plant on it (except for that weird thing growing in one corner that I didn’t plant). It is decorated with art and beach treasures and other things that don’t die and don’t need water.
But I love labyrinths. I love the twist and the turns. I love that you lose the path and have only faith that you will end up somewhere. I love that just when you are lost, you find the centre. And, I love that each labyrinth has it’s own energy – a heady mix from all the people who have journeyed within it plus the energy of the land that it resides upon.
So I volunteered to help garden the labyrinth. And the job on Saturday was to clear away last year’s growth, now dead. And, we cleared a lot!!
As I ripped out the dead old branches and leaves, clearing space, I realized how much new growth was hidden under the weight of that old growth. New shoots, green and fresh, reaching for the sky and the sun. In amidst the dead, there was life.
As I carried armful after armful of old branches over to the compost pile, I thought what a perfect metaphor for life this was. Because we have to clear away the old to make room for the new. The old growth blocks the space that the new growth needs.
Some of the old branches came out easily. Others, especially the vine-type growth that snaked it’s way through the grass, required more effort. And, it all went into the compost pile to make new soil. And so it is with each truth about myself I learn and relearn. Some are easy and fun. Some are pretty twisty and tough!
Often times, I think we lament the old. And certainly there can be a grieving process in letting go of the past. But, it too was once the growth that we revelled in and which nourished us. Growth builds upon growth.
In those sunny hours working in the labyrinth, I was grateful for the reminder that clearing away the old is a necessary part of making space for the new.
Oh, and that it is hard work and you should definitely stretch afterward if you want to be able to use your muscles again the next day.
Before –
Parfait break –
After –
Wordless Wednesday – Spinning a good yarn
Music Monday – hoping to go nowhere soon
Hey good looking, why the frown?
You always look better when it’s upside down
You say you got nowhere that you’re going to
Can I go nowhere with you?
The balance of my day
Yesterday was the vernal equinox and the Universe sent me a message.
It’s coming on Spring here in the northern hemisphere and yesterday was the day of equal parts light and dark. And the Universe decided that I needed this message really driven home.
It started off in the darkness of an early morning dentist appointment to fix my first ever cavity. Apparently, I have sticky grooves. (aside – wouldn’t that be an awesome name for a band?!)
So, my first ever filling. And my first time with freezing. Sigh. The end of a perfect streak.
I have long loved the fact that I have made it into my 40s without a cavity. I completely realize that this is just a fluke of genetics and not anything to do with my superior brushing and flossing technique (NOT). But it was that thing I could always cite whenever I had to answer “what’s the one thing no one knows about you” or some such nonsense of an ice-breaker exercise.
But then, an unexpected light in the dark. No freezing, no filling. Just a little scraping and a sealant and I was all done. And, a bonus of fixing my slightly jagged-edge bottom front teeth to smooth perfection. Nicely balanced, Universe!
Not so fast, said the Universe. You may technically be cavity free but the day is just starting!
Stopped for a coffee on the way to work and coming out of the coffee shop I spectacularly wiped out on the grassy boulevard that separated me from my car. Well, I should call it the giant muddy boulevard although I think most of the mud ended up all up my pants and back. Not content to drive home it’s point, the Universe had to choose right in front of the coffee shop for my muddy demise. You know, where EVERYONE could watch me do a slow slide into the swamp of no return.
And then the balance turned when a very nice stranger stopped to see if I was okay. And told me a joke that made me laugh. I don’t know who that guy was but I’m thanking the Universe for sending him my way. After a mad dash home and a change of clothes all the way down to my muddy underwear I raced into work and made it just in time for my first meeting. And, I won a free coffee.
And so the day went. It poured rain and then was gloriously sunny. I am swamped with work to the point of chucking the whole thing in when I am unexpectedly headhunted for another job, making me realize how much I love my work and that (apparently) someone noticed. Physio is increasing to twice a week but I somehow managed not to add injury to my knee with my mudslide.
LIfe in balance. The good with the bad. The things that make me so frustrated and the things that make me shake my head and laugh. The hard work and the random rewards. The anger and the gratitude.
I get it, Universe. And I will strive to remember it. Even when I’m lying in the mud.
Now, off to find the other members of Sticky Grooves.
A Fish and a Bicycle 