The balance of my day

Yesterday was the vernal equinox and the Universe sent me a message.

It’s coming on Spring here in the northern hemisphere and yesterday was the day of equal parts light and dark. And the Universe decided that I needed this message really driven home.

It started off in the darkness of an early morning dentist appointment to fix my first ever cavity. Apparently, I have sticky grooves. (aside – wouldn’t that be an awesome name for a band?!)

So, my first ever filling. And my first time with freezing. Sigh. The end of a perfect streak.

I have long loved the fact that I have made it into my 40s without a cavity. I completely realize that this is just a fluke of genetics and not anything to do with my superior brushing and flossing technique (NOT). But it was that thing I could always cite whenever I had to answer “what’s the one thing no one knows about you” or some such nonsense of an ice-breaker exercise.

But then, an unexpected light in the dark. No freezing, no filling. Just a little scraping and a sealant and I was all done. And, a bonus of fixing my slightly jagged-edge bottom front teeth to smooth perfection. Nicely balanced, Universe!

Not so fast, said the Universe. You may technically be cavity free but the day is just starting!

Stopped for a coffee on the way to work and coming out of the coffee shop I spectacularly wiped out on the grassy boulevard that separated me from my car. Well, I should call it the giant muddy boulevard although I think most of the mud ended up all up my pants and back. Not content to drive home it’s point, the Universe had to choose right in front of the coffee shop for my muddy demise. You know, where EVERYONE could watch me do a slow slide into the swamp of no return.

And then the balance turned when a very nice stranger stopped to see if I was okay. And told me a joke that made me laugh. I don’t know who that guy was but I’m thanking the Universe for sending him my way. After a mad dash home and a change of clothes all the way down to my muddy underwear I raced into work and made it just in time for my first meeting. And, I won a free coffee.

And so the day went. It poured rain and then was gloriously sunny. I am swamped with work to the point of chucking the whole thing in when I am unexpectedly headhunted for another job, making me realize how much I love my work and that (apparently) someone noticed. Physio is increasing to twice a week but I somehow managed not to add injury to my knee with my mudslide.

LIfe in balance. The good with the bad. The things that make me so frustrated and the things that make me shake my head and laugh. The hard work and the random rewards. The anger and the gratitude.

I get it, Universe. And I will strive to remember it. Even when I’m lying in the mud.

Now, off to find the other members of Sticky Grooves.

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Equilibrium

I have been described as many things but patient is not one of them.

I am a big ideas person. I have a vision of how things can be and I work hard to realize those visions. And a lot of times that is a really great quality.

But when things go sideways or off track, it throws me. Everyone is turning left and off in the new direction and I am left standing there, saying “but … we were going this way …”

I read this great post this week called Why lying broken in a pile on your bedroom floor is a good idea. It talked about how when you are going through a transition like a breakup or a losing your job there is a period of mourning the death of the future, of the way you saw things unfolding.

I can so relate to that. I envy people who can easily change direction accepting that “oh well, things have changed!”

For me it takes some time. Time to get my feet back under me. To regroup and adjust to the new state. To pull back from the future that I thought was coming and back into the reality of what is. Time to stand still for awhile and then figure out the new direction.

This week has been like that. Work projects are in transition and I’m having to adjust and be patient. So far, my plans on four of the five nights this past week have changed unexpectedly. The photography class I’m taking is not what I thought it would be and I’m trying to set aside my disappointment and go with the flow of the class.

Thing is, last week I celebrated the autumn equinox. That time of equal balance between light and dark, night and day, life and death. As part of the celebration, I wrote this about the spirit of the equinox –

I am the perfect balance of the present. What is past has already been and what is the future is yet to be determined. What has gone before cannot be changed and what lies ahead is yet to be known. My gift is the peace of the present.

My lesson is to live in this moment. For the present has been shaped by the past and it is the present that will shape the future.

Live in the blessings of the still point of balance between light and dark, night and day, creation and destruction. For ever do these revolve in endless cycle.

Dark triumphs over light bringing death and rest. Light banishes the dark bringing rebirth and growth. But always they dance around the single point of equilibrium.

So live in the moment. Dance and sing and love and learn and be fully alive in the here and now. Live today as you would live your whole life.

For this moment is all that we have.

This weekend I am headed to Seattle and going to visit the Chihuly Exhibition and Gardens. I am going to try and set aside what I think the weekend will be. I am going to take lots of pictures of the glass art and not worry about the photography.

I am going to try and allow myself the time to adjust to some of the painful changes in direction that life has thrown at me. To allow myself to stand still and breathe and not expect that I have to be off and running again.

Because while it’s great to see the path ahead of me, I don’t want miss what’s right in front of me. To miss the chance to stop and be open to the other possibilities.

So for right now, I am going to try and be patient and still and let the future unfold in all its mystery.

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