Category Archives: single life

Fiercely happy

Posted on by
2

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about what it means to live a life focused on happiness. That is, focusing on putting energy into the positive things in life and cutting out the negative. To be conscious of when I slip into the negative and make myself stop and change tracks.

Facebook is filled with positive and inspirational quotes in this vein. That if you just focus on love, compassion, letting go and forgiveness then you will live in grace, serenity and peace. Maybe it’s the soft and idyllic images that go with the quotes that make it sound so easy but it seems to me that this advice is wise but way harder than it sounds. Or looks.

Last year at this time I felt like I had perfect, effortless happiness. The kind of happiness that makes every day exciting. And now I am one year away from that time and so much as changed.

Don’t get me wrong; I do have happiness in my life today but what i am learning is that I have to fight for it. Every single day. To actively keep moving forward and not fall back into the same old rut.

To be ruthless about staying in reality, to shine a harsh strong light in order to see clearly while still treating myself with the gentleness needed to support my journey.

To daily refocus and recommit myself to a path whereby I believe in myself. To find and exercise the strength to say no to the many diversions of false comfort.

Maybe this is the next stage of growing up (can you still be growing up at 43?). It certainly feels like a next stage of emotional and spiritual growth. And so, I find myself being fierce about my happiness, questing hard in the direction of what is positive in my life, fueling what feeds my passion and being unapologetic about cutting the things that dampen my fire out of my life. That last part is undiscovered country for me. A foreign landscape.

Somedays, I’m tired. I fall short of my goal. I stumble and fall and hurt. Hurt myself and those close to me. But, I am so much more grateful for the hard-won happiness and for the many blessings in my life than I have ever been before. For the time with loved ones, for honest and authentic connections, for the opportunities in my life to be of service in the world.

For being carried within, and buoyed up by, the flow of love in my life. For the peace of the still, quiet place within my soul.

It’s hard, this happiness, but it’s so worth being fierce about.

20120709-161546.jpg

Is this seat taken?

Posted on by
1

Over the past several months, I have started doing more things on my own. Sometimes because there is no one around to do stuff with, sometimes because I am too lazy to call a friend but more and more often because I find that I *like* doing stuff on my own!

I have never been very good about heading out there into the world as a single. I like to share experiences; to talk them over and hear what others think. I process things by talking. And, going with a friend is like a safety net.  In case I end up standing there alone, like the last kid picked for softball.

It started with coffee in my local coffee shop. I would head over in the morning on the weekend, get a coffee and a bagel and read or catch up on e-mail or Facebook. I thought I would be lonely, look like a loser sitting all by myself. I was so wrong.

I love it. I love getting up whenever I want, heading over when I get hungry and not at a specified “meeting” time. I love reading or writing at my own pace. I love the time spent just with me.  In fact, I often go for a walk afterwards.  By myself.

I have always thought I would feel embarrassed (or is that ashamed?) of being out in public on my own. A table for one in a restaurant. Sitting alone in the movies. Being that single person on a bus tour.

Turns out, when I’m not ashamed of being single, none of those things make me feel ashamed! Or nervous. Or sad.

They are stress-free. They are peaceful. They are fun.

And, they make me really appreciate when I do things with my friends. Because when I do, it’s because I really want to be with them. Not using them as a safety net.

Sometimes, I meet people and have interesting conversations.  Most of the time, it gives me time to think. To process my emotions. To write. To ground. To feel gratitude for the many blessings in my life.  Blessings like having the freedom most of the time to do what I want, when I want. Like having great friends who like spending time with me.

I am working towards one day taking a trip all by myself. Traveling without the safety net of a friend. Flying solo, as it were.

Is this seat taken? Cause I’m taking it.

Swimming out to see …

Posted on by
2

There is a well-known feminist slogan, “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle“.  The suggestion being that a man is not necessary in a woman’s life for her to be happy and fulfilled. At least, that’s how I read it.

And, while I would never say that women don’t need men – because we all need each other in this life regardless of gender – I realize that I have been waiting for a bicycle to come along to make my fishy life go swimmingly.

Last September, my boyfriend made a decision to end our relationship and go back to his ex-wife.  Rest assured, dear reader, that this blog is NOT about that particular drama. But, the journey over the past 8 months has made me realize that subconsciously I have been waiting to meet a partner to do and enjoy all the things that I want to do in this lifetime. It’s not that I was waiting for my knight in shining armour but just that I was waiting for someone to ride along with.

And, because I was doing that, I was missing the joy in riding alone. And, sometimes missing the ride altogether. So, enough of missing the present by waiting for a future that may or may not happen.

Don’t get me wrong – I am not throwing in the towel, giving up hope of meeting someone and settling into a life of eccentric spinsterhood.  Hell, no!! Although, a little eccentricity could be fun. But, I don’t know if I will meet someone or not. I can’t predict the future.

What I can do is figure out what I want to do right now, today. And, have the courage to get out there and do it.

And, because I hope one day to be a very old lady with more adventures forgotten than remembered, I thought I would chronicle the struggles and joys of this single life.

Maybe someday this blog will end with “and so marriage ends my single life” or maybe  “Single woman passes away in a once-in-a-lifetime adventure”.  Who knows?

But, for today, it starts with this fish heading out into the big blue ocean.