Oh something good tonight will make me forget about you for now
Music Monday – Something Good
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Author Archives: WendyA
Avebury
I tried to take a bus trip to Glastonbury, I really did! But, the bus didn’t pick me up, then the alternate bus broke down. So, my amazing friends Cat and Seth came with me to Glastonbury, stopping at Avebury on the way.
Being a holiday weekend in England, Cat’s one request as driver was that we get up very early to drive out of London before traffic got too congested. And so we did. Really early. So early, in fact, that the car park at Avebury was not even open when we got there. The down side? No coffee shop. The up side? No one else at Avebury so we had the stones all to ourselves.
Well, except for the sheep and the lambs. But, really, the lambs are so cute, who could complain!
Avebury is a neolithic henge monument containing three stone circles. It was built around 2,600 BCE (thus, neolithic) and consists of three stone circles with a bank and a ditch (a henge).
Avebury contains the largest stone circle in Europe with a diameter of 331.6 metres (the henge is 420 meters across). Britain’s largest stone circle, there were originally 98 standing stones, some weighing more than 40 tons and varying in height from 3.6 to 4.2 meters. The monument was used for at least a thousand years after it was built.
There is a long avenue of standing stones that lead to the south entrance. Two very large stones mark this gateway. And, one has a convenient seating spot in it!
This was my second visit to Avebury but the weather was equally gray, windy and cold both times! My first trip was also very foggy which made for some really amazing shots, like this one …
If you ever get a chance to go and see Stonehenge, I highly recommend spending a bit more time and heading just down the road to Avebury. As opposed to Stonehenge, you can walk right up to, and within the stones. The energy of the place is amazing. The stones have such a presence, each has a personality. It’s like they watch you, knowing that they’ve been there long before you and will be there long after you’ve gone.
York
After touring the Minster, we headed out to explore the town of York.
The city was founded by the Romans in 71 AD and we walked the Roman Walls (really dating from the 12th – 14th century) for a great view of the city and the Minster.
Having just finished physio for my knee injury, I am happy to report that the knee performed well under the rigour of lots of uneven stairs and cobblestones.
With a late spring in the UK, the grassy slopes leading up to the walls were covered in daffodils. It was absolutely beautiful.
A sea of yellow.
One of the features of York are the Snickelways, narrow pedestrian routes, many of which led towards the former market-places. In this one, the Shambles, you can see the medieval narrow street now lined with shops. We even found a glass shop here and I bought a glass bouquet of flowers which I successfully transported home intact.
Some more of the beautiful flowers in York.
One place we didn’t get to visit was nearby Knaresborough. My Dad was born in London but during WW2, the family moved to Knaresborough (just outside York) for safety. After the war was over they emigrated to Canada. Lucky for me, my sister travelled to York a few years ago and she did get to Knaresborough and visited the very house where Dad and the family lived. She even got invited in for cake! So, to end this post, a picture of Knaresborough courtesy of my sister.
Single=failure=crazy
I am going to try to explore a tough question for which I’m not sure I have a good answer.
Recently I had tea with a fellow spiritual quester who is also single. I was talking about how powerful a step it was for me to recognize that I felt like a failure for being single and then to work to break that connection between my heart and that voice.
She asked me “how did you do that?” and then “can you please write about it?”
I don’t know that I have the answer; in fact, I’m pretty sure I don’t. But, because she is an amazing woman, I will try to at least share some thoughts.
First, I came to this realization through the work of Brene Brown. Respect duly given. In her book on shame, there is an exercise where you write down 5 things you want to be seen as (success) and 5 things you don’t want to be seen as (failure). When I wrote “single” I realized that there was a direct link that went single=failure=shame=unworthy of love. When I had the realization, it was like a thunderclap. A boom in my heart. I remember thinking, “holy crap, that’s crazy!” Cause when you say it out loud, it IS crazy.
So the question is “who is that quiet voice in the darkness that whispers this nasty little refrain?”. Where does that insidious soul-crushing message originate and how does it worm its way inside me/us?
And, maybe more importantly, how do we silence that voice. Stand up and in a loud voice and declare “you are wrong”. Or maybe say in a quiet but firm voice of certainty – you are wrong. Gently take that part of us that listens to that message and draw it away, moving away from judgement and towards love and compassion.
These are the things that have helped me.
1. I stopped watching romantic comedies. The story lines of romantic comedies are complete crap. I am not “fine without a man until I realize how much I need him”. I am not “not okay but then lose the guy because of it only to become okay and then have him realize he loves me”. And, I seriously doubt I will ever find myself chased down in an airport by someone declaring their undying love. Cause in this day and age, that would just set off security and likely end me up on the no-fly list. Romantic comedies do not make me feel good. And there is nothing funny about that.
2. I stopped listening to advice from others. I cannot even begin to tell you the advice I get from other people on how to cure my disease of singleness. Go out and be more social. Don’t be so social. Actively search by dating on-line. Stop looking. Be more open. Don’t be needy and desperate. As well-meaninged as all this advice is – and I believe it comes from people who genuinely care and want for me to be happy – it inevitably left me feeling like somehow being single was not only bad but it was completely my “fault”. Magnify that through my filter of “single is failure” and it’s no wonder it became a big jumble of everything I was doing wrong. Again, kudos to Brene Brown. Every night in my journal I write “I am enough” And, I rewrite it as many times as I need to until my heart knows it’s true. Today, I am enough exactly as am. Right now.
3. I don’t make assumptions about people’s marriages/relationships. The crappy myth of “happily ever after” espoused in romantic comedies and everywhere else in our culture is just as damaging to couplehood as to singles. Relationships are hard work. I see the commitment and time that my coupled friends put into their relationships. I have seen “perfect” long-term relationships end suddenly. I have seen unhappily married people stay in relationships for a variety of reasons. Couplehood has its ups and downs. Just like singlehood. Walking our path in life is a complex journey with all its varied relationships. And comparing myself to anyone else is a zero sum game.
4. I am mindful of the things I like about being single. There are lots of great things about being single. My schedule is pretty much my own. I get the whole bathroom to myself. I can listen to whatever music I want as loud as I want. The computer is always free. My work colleagues (both men with small kids) joke that they live their lives vicariously through me. Sometimes, when they ask what I did on the weekend I just say “whatever I wanted”. And smile.
5. I recognize my choices. There is a tendency, in the dark hours of loneliness, to feel like no one wants me. That single means unwanted. Single means rejected. In public. Even the last kid picked for team sports was still picked. A good friend of mine who is also single once said to me, “I am okay with being single. I just don’t want other people to think of me as single.” So true. And, the weird thing is that I never look at other single people and think they are unwanted. But I sure feel like that’s what people think about me. And that’s my little voice inside doing that. But, the truth is that there are opportunities and offers that I have turned down for a variety of reasons. I am not single because I am a failure. I am single because I am not currently choosing to be in a relationship. End of story.
6. Singleness is a sell job. Our consumer culture is based on the premise that we are all unhappy but that there is a product we can buy to give us that happiness. Whiter teeth, skinnier bodies, shinier hair, cleaner homes, faster cars, more stuff. If being single makes me a sad failure, there are hundreds of products out there that can fix that if I just try a little harder and spend a little more money. Aren’t I worth it? About 18 months ago, I shut off my cable. I watch very little TV and almost no advertising (although it is around me in lots of other ways). I am much a happier and I’ve saved money.
So, there we go. I’m not sure if that answers the question. It’s a hard thing to write about. Partly because I feel like writing or talking about being single is either perceived as an attack on couplehood or as me saying that I have “given up” on love and am settling in for a long and bitter spinsterhood. Neither of which is true.
What is true is that I will not accept the message that being single is a sad state of failure. Life, and relationships, are way more complicated than that. I am enough exactly as I am.
And my heart is thankful that it no longer has to listen to that crazy voice that says otherwise.
York Minster
It was a sunny but windy day when we visited York Minster, one of the largest cathedrals in Northern Europe.
The current Gothic-style cathedral was built starting in 1230. But, you can still see the foundations of the older, Norman-style church underneath the building. Well, unless the lower part was closed for renovations like on the day we visited. Somewhere on that west portico are some tiny little carvings of a Klingon and a Ferengi, put there by modern stonemasons in a personal touch, just as their 13th century forecarvers would have done.
In the English Civil War the city was besieged and fell to the forces of Cromwell in 1644, but Thomas Fairfax (who was a York man) prevented much damage to the cathedral. The organ base and casing is from 1832 although the organ mechanics are only from 1903 (only!!).
On 9 July 1984, a fire believed to have been caused by a lightning strike destroyed the roof in the south transept, and around £2.5 million was spent on repairs. Restoration work was completed in 1988, and included new roof bosses (the bits where the beams join) to designs from children via a competition organised by BBC Television’s Blue Peter programme (a kid’s show). This boss has some children looking into a well with a rabbit. I think it is taken from one of the beatitudes. At least I think that’s what our guide said. The rose window was also under restoration and the workers were making a lot of noise.
The Five Sisters window in the north transept made of five lancets, each 16 metres (52 ft) high and glazed with grey glass, rather than narrative scenes or symbolic motifs that are usually seen in medieval stained glass windows. Til I learned this, I thought it was just really dirty.
A view of the south transept ceiling and my good friend and traveling companion, Cat. To avoid having to give everyone complimentary neck massages on the way out, there was a mirror placed so you could look up while looking down. Beautiful church and beautiful friend in one shot.
Behind the high altar is the Great East Window which tells the story of Genesis and is the largest expanse of medieval stained glass in the world. Which would have been amazing to see but it’s currently undergoing a massive conservation project. Instead, it was covered by the largest expanse of painted plastic in the world. Below the Great East Window currently sits The Orb, a stainless steel dome containing five of the conserved panels from the window, one of which is changed each month. We did get to see the Orb and thus to see some of the stained glass panels from the Great East Window up close.
A picture of before the restoration of the panel showing St. John being told by an angel to write to the seven churches of Asia.
And the actual glass panel post-restoration. I never really realized how the glass was painted until I saw it up close. New epoxies have allowed the glaziers to remove many of the lead lines which were holding pieces of glass together. This makes for a clearer picture.
The Chapter House (this one built starting in 1260) is my favourite part of a Cathedral (if I’m allowed to play favourites). The Chapter House is where the priests met each morning to hear a chapter read. They are usually round, which makes for a great space and really funky acoustics. Each priest has his own chair round the outside and you can whisper and still hear all round the circle. No gossiping for the priests!! The ceilings are always amazing, as are the floor tiles. I think I’d rather hang out in the cozy Chapter House than the big drafty Cathedral!
My trusty red walking shoes in the Chapter House. An eight-pointed sword star and blue X marks my spot.
Wordless Wednesday – look way up
Chalice Well, Glastonbury
Last weekend I visited the Chalice Well in Glastonbury. What a beautiful, peaceful and energetically soothing place. Now, it’s true that I had just come from the Tor, where I had a paralyzing attack of “OMG, I’m going to fall to my death” so any flat space close to the ground would probably have been soothing but none of the wells I have visited in Ireland or Scotland (or elsewhere) have been so lovely.
The cover of the well has a wrought iron vesica piscis with a lance passing through it. An ancient symbol of interlocking circles, representing heaven and earth, spirit and matter, inside and outside, above and below, masculine and feminine, two as one.
In the past, the well was known as the Red Spring or Blood Spring because the water that flows from it, rich with iron, leaves a red deposit on everything it touches. As you can imagine, many legends are associated with the well. That Joseph of Arimathea buried the cup that Christ used at the last supper. Or, that the red spring is a direct expression of the lifeblood of the land.
Water has long been considered a source of healing and a bringer of life. It stores and transmits energy and our bodies flow with water just as the earth does. The Lion’s Head drinking fountain is safe for consumption. As the water is rich in iron, only small quantities are recommended. A little goes a long way.
I collected a litre of water to bring back to share with friends.
The vesica pool consists of seven bowls which each inscribe a figure eight. While wells often have feminine associations, this pool seemed especially curvy and feminine to me. And, the flow of the water caught the sunshine and danced as it flowed.
I left my votive candle by the vesica pool for blessings of the divine feminine.
And, while the Well is obviously a place of Christian pilgrimage, it was nice to see the pagan element. Being close to Beltaine, there was a newly danced Maypole by the vesica pool, adding some divine masculine to the garden.
The spring flowers in the garden were in full bloom.
And so was my spirit.
Music Monday – Election Day
And oh my my oh hey hey
Here he comes, the candidate
Blue eyed boy, united states
Vote for him, the candidate
Wordless Wednesday – Plane View
Music Monday – first day back from vacation
Ciao Monday you break my heart
There’s a mountain the minute you start
Open the door you can walk right through
Monday Monday I’m done with you
A Fish and a Bicycle 