Today’s August Break photo – from the beach in Tofino. “Nuff said!
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Category Archives: gratitude
Sharing the view
I have been trying to take more photos and then to share them more. This picture is taken on the way up a frequently used staircase at work. I am always struck by how beautiful this building is. It replaced a landmark building in Vancouver that was torn down under much controversy. But, I think what they built is wonderful. I love the shape, the colour, the screens and the amazing trees way up in the sky. Part of the building is social housing, too. It’s nice to know we can build something other than expensive glass boxes in Vancouver.
And …. (drum roll please) … I am beyond excited to share that three of my photos I took as part of Susannah Conway’s Unravelling course have been published in an on-line magazine!! Head over to Thumbnail Magazine to check them out and read some great short fiction. My thanks to Michael, the editor, for being supportive of my photos!
BTW, registration opens today for Susannah’s next Unravelling session. Just saying.
Reigniting the flame …
Today is the first day of participating in Susannah Conway’s August Break – one photo a day each day in August.
Today starts with beauty. Yesterday, I had the crappiest morning. I was deep in the darkness of hopelessness and just wanted to give up. But, I reached out. And, two friends were there to catch me; to talk and listen and remind me of the light and beauty.
Later in the day, I saw this wonderful sunflower. Next to an industrial parking lot. Lifting its face to the sun.
Thanks to those two friends, I was able to see the beauty of this sunflower. I am grateful every day for the loved ones in my life who reignite my inner flame when it feels like there is nothing left but ashes.
Fiercely happy
Lately, I have been thinking a lot about what it means to live a life focused on happiness. That is, focusing on putting energy into the positive things in life and cutting out the negative. To be conscious of when I slip into the negative and make myself stop and change tracks.
Facebook is filled with positive and inspirational quotes in this vein. That if you just focus on love, compassion, letting go and forgiveness then you will live in grace, serenity and peace. Maybe it’s the soft and idyllic images that go with the quotes that make it sound so easy but it seems to me that this advice is wise but way harder than it sounds. Or looks.
Last year at this time I felt like I had perfect, effortless happiness. The kind of happiness that makes every day exciting. And now I am one year away from that time and so much as changed.
Don’t get me wrong; I do have happiness in my life today but what i am learning is that I have to fight for it. Every single day. To actively keep moving forward and not fall back into the same old rut.
To be ruthless about staying in reality, to shine a harsh strong light in order to see clearly while still treating myself with the gentleness needed to support my journey.
To daily refocus and recommit myself to a path whereby I believe in myself. To find and exercise the strength to say no to the many diversions of false comfort.
Maybe this is the next stage of growing up (can you still be growing up at 43?). It certainly feels like a next stage of emotional and spiritual growth. And so, I find myself being fierce about my happiness, questing hard in the direction of what is positive in my life, fueling what feeds my passion and being unapologetic about cutting the things that dampen my fire out of my life. That last part is undiscovered country for me. A foreign landscape.
Somedays, I’m tired. I fall short of my goal. I stumble and fall and hurt. Hurt myself and those close to me. But, I am so much more grateful for the hard-won happiness and for the many blessings in my life than I have ever been before. For the time with loved ones, for honest and authentic connections, for the opportunities in my life to be of service in the world.
For being carried within, and buoyed up by, the flow of love in my life. For the peace of the still, quiet place within my soul.
It’s hard, this happiness, but it’s so worth being fierce about.
Fireworks
Last night at the BC Lion’s game I had the privilege of seeing Geroy Simon break the CFL’s all time receiving record. Which means, he’s run and caught the ball a lot. A really lot.
It was a great night. As he came closer and closer to breaking the record, the excitement grew with each pass that headed his way. And, when he caught the one that broke the record, the place went nuts. Cheering and clapping, everyone on their feet, fireworks, media scrum, a presentation, t-shirts for sale. You name it.
So, as I sat there trying to understand the speeches over the loud-speaker in BC Place (yeah, gave up on that) and pondering if I wanted to buy a t-shirt (probably not) I got to considering such an achievement.
Two things stand out. One – Geroy was cut from a lot of teams before he found his groove with the Lions in 2001. So, there is an obvious lesson there about not giving up in the face of rejection. Got it. It’s not how many times you get knocked down, it’s how many times you get back up.
But second, in achieving his “fireworks” moment, Geroy had to show up for the last 10 years and play consistently every single game. He had to run and catch the ball, over and over again, regardless of the playing conditions, whether the team was winning or losing, through aching muscles and whatever personal shit he was going on in his life. In the past 10 seasons, he’s missed only 3 games due to injuries.
So here’s where it gets personal. I think that sometimes I am a “fireworks” person. I dream of the moment of success – running effortlessly up hill, wearing a size 6 dress, winning “employee of the year”, paying all my bills with money leftover for savings, eaten my low carb lots of veggies food every day, having a “plus one” for every wedding. You know, accolades that validate me as perfect.
Which seems to me a good path to take if you want to drop the ball but clearly not if you want to catch it and run with it. In fact, trying to be perfect seems to me to be like expecting to score by running into the end zone without even looking at the ball, never mind catching it. Kind of missing the point(s).
But when I have the kind of consistency and effort that Geroy has at MY game; when I show up every day and do my work including morning meditation, evening journalling, apologizing when I make mistakes, practicing authenticity, allowing myself to be vulnerable and looking after my side of the street (um, and ONLY my side) then I get my “fireworks” moments.
Fireworks moments like being happy with who I am. Having rich and connected relationships with wonderful friends and my family. Going to a job where my work is meaningful. Financial security. A safe home. Recovery from my food addiction. Acceptance of my imperfect self.
Fireworks, indeed. Think I should sell t-shirts?
Is this seat taken?
Over the past several months, I have started doing more things on my own. Sometimes because there is no one around to do stuff with, sometimes because I am too lazy to call a friend but more and more often because I find that I *like* doing stuff on my own!
I have never been very good about heading out there into the world as a single. I like to share experiences; to talk them over and hear what others think. I process things by talking. And, going with a friend is like a safety net. In case I end up standing there alone, like the last kid picked for softball.
It started with coffee in my local coffee shop. I would head over in the morning on the weekend, get a coffee and a bagel and read or catch up on e-mail or Facebook. I thought I would be lonely, look like a loser sitting all by myself. I was so wrong.
I love it. I love getting up whenever I want, heading over when I get hungry and not at a specified “meeting” time. I love reading or writing at my own pace. I love the time spent just with me. In fact, I often go for a walk afterwards. By myself.
I have always thought I would feel embarrassed (or is that ashamed?) of being out in public on my own. A table for one in a restaurant. Sitting alone in the movies. Being that single person on a bus tour.
Turns out, when I’m not ashamed of being single, none of those things make me feel ashamed! Or nervous. Or sad.
They are stress-free. They are peaceful. They are fun.
And, they make me really appreciate when I do things with my friends. Because when I do, it’s because I really want to be with them. Not using them as a safety net.
Sometimes, I meet people and have interesting conversations. Most of the time, it gives me time to think. To process my emotions. To write. To ground. To feel gratitude for the many blessings in my life. Blessings like having the freedom most of the time to do what I want, when I want. Like having great friends who like spending time with me.
I am working towards one day taking a trip all by myself. Traveling without the safety net of a friend. Flying solo, as it were.
Is this seat taken? Cause I’m taking it.
I’ll have a shot of tequila
You know that analogy of pessimism/optimism where some people see the glass as half empty and some people see it as half full? Well, my favourite answer to that is “the glass has room for a shot of tequila”. 🙂
On Saturday I had a pleasure of hosting a whole bunch of friends at my place for a birthday party. As I looked around the room, I realized that all of us had some full glass and some empty glass. Figuratively as well as literally.
We all had reasons that some things sucked in our lives right now. Some people had partners that couldn’t be there. Others were feeling the loneliness of having no partner. Some people are having health issues or have family with health issues. Some are struggling financially and looking for work. Some are wrestling with tough decisions about life changes or embarking on scary new paths.
But, you’d never know it from the love and laughter in the room. We had all gathered there to celebrate with our friends. And share. The sucky stuff but all the good stuff. Planning for a wedding, new jobs, projects in our lives that we are passionate about, creating warm and safe homes, raising our children.
And, whether our glasses are half empty, or half full, I think that attitude is the shot of tequila that we can all add. The magical spirit that transforms. Because we can acknowledge and feel the challenges that we have – and wow are some of them hard – but we need also to celebrate our blessings. To not just feel our gratitude but to practice it everyday, especially when things are hard. I am grateful for the love of my friends for helping me remember that.
Of course, the other answer to the glass question is the engineering response – that the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. But, since I never want to make my life smaller, I’ll just stick with the shot of tequila, thanks!
A Fish and a Bicycle 