Hollow Victories

Things I’ve learned from making hollow beads –

  1. Don’t panic. Even when things are wobbly and out of control and look like they’re about to fall apart just stay calm. Take deep breaths, work slowly and with love and it’ll be okay.
  2. When two sides start from far apart, it takes a lot of time and effort to get them to meet in the middle. At first, it looks impossible. But, when they do, it’s a wonderful thing.
  3. When you give something a bit of space, you allow the light in and it will shine.
  4. When you ignore the important parts, they cool and crack and fall to pieces. Sometimes, they can be fixed. Sometimes, they can’t.
  5. Even when things don’t go the way you planned, they can still turn out beautiful.
  6. There is no failure, just learning. So keep trying.

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York Minster

It was a sunny but windy day when we visited York Minster, one of the largest cathedrals in Northern Europe.

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The current Gothic-style cathedral was built starting in 1230. But, you can still see the foundations of the older, Norman-style church underneath the building.  Well, unless the lower part was closed for renovations like on the day we visited. Somewhere on that west portico are some tiny little carvings of a Klingon and a Ferengi, put there by modern stonemasons in a personal touch, just as their 13th century forecarvers would have done.

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In the English Civil War the city was besieged and fell to the forces of Cromwell in 1644, but Thomas Fairfax (who was a York man) prevented much damage to the cathedral.  The organ base and casing is from 1832 although the organ mechanics are only from 1903 (only!!).

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On 9 July 1984, a fire believed to have been caused by a lightning strike destroyed the roof in the south transept, and around £2.5 million was spent on repairs. Restoration work was completed in 1988, and included new roof bosses (the bits where the beams join) to designs from children via a competition organised by BBC Television’s Blue Peter programme (a kid’s show).  This boss has some children looking into a well with a rabbit. I think it is taken from one of the beatitudes.  At least  I think that’s what our guide said. The rose window was also under restoration and the workers were making a lot of noise.

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The Five Sisters window in the north transept made of five lancets, each 16 metres (52 ft) high and glazed with grey glass, rather than narrative scenes or symbolic motifs that are usually seen in medieval stained glass windows.  Til I learned this, I thought it was just really dirty.

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A view of the south transept ceiling and my good friend and traveling companion, Cat. To avoid having to give everyone complimentary neck massages on the way out, there was a mirror placed so you could look up while looking down. Beautiful church and beautiful friend in one shot.

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Behind the high altar is the Great East Window which tells the story of Genesis and is the largest expanse of medieval stained glass in the world. Which would have been amazing to see but it’s currently undergoing a massive conservation project.  Instead, it was covered by the largest expanse of painted plastic in the world. Below the Great East Window currently sits The Orb, a stainless steel dome containing five of the conserved panels from the window, one of which is changed each month. We did get to see the Orb and thus to see some of the stained glass panels from the Great East Window up close.

A picture of before the restoration of the panel showing St. John being told by an angel to write to the seven churches of Asia.

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And the actual glass panel post-restoration. I never really realized how the glass was painted until I saw it up close.  New epoxies have allowed the glaziers to remove many of the lead lines which were holding pieces of glass together. This makes for a clearer picture.

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The Chapter House (this one built starting in 1260) is my favourite part of a Cathedral (if I’m allowed to play favourites). The Chapter House is where the priests met each morning to hear a chapter read. They are usually round, which makes for a great space and really funky acoustics. Each priest has his own chair round the outside and you can whisper and still hear all round the circle. No gossiping for the priests!! The ceilings are always amazing, as are the floor tiles. I think I’d rather hang out in the cozy Chapter House than the big drafty Cathedral!

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My trusty red walking shoes in the Chapter House.  An eight-pointed sword star and blue X marks my spot.

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Creating space for a newbie

I love my adventures in glass making but I don’t always love the glass studio.

I took my first glass sculpting class less than a year ago and I joined the glass studio co-op 6 months ago. And, while I love glass beading and glass sculpting, it’s been hard to get to know people at the studio. My fellow artists, I suppose I could call them. (although the word artist still feels strange on my lips and squirmy on my skin)

Its true that creating the glass art can be a solitary act. And, I imagine that no one wants to interrupt someone who is in the middle of a delicate creation. But, aside from my teacher and the one friend who told me about the place, I haven’t really had the chance to talk to others at the studio and to learn and share. Which to me feels a bit lonely.

I do try and be friendly but I am still feeling the jitters of anxiety. Mostly, I am trying to learn the glass art studio etiquette and focus on not blowing the place up.

Last week the studio started Newbie Tuesdays and I couldn’t be happier. Five of us newbies around the torches. Sharing what we love. What we find frustrating. What we can’t figure out. What tricks we’ve learned. And, what we hope to someday create. Supporting each other.

In my giddiness, I went a little crazy with the hollow beads. I have no idea what I’m going to do with them. But I love their size and I love how the air expands as it heats, creating a space where the glass floats in the air. To me, they are like tiny planets. A piece of the cosmos, infinite in variety and each unique. Solitary in their sphere but reflecting the light of their existence into pure beauty.

I can’t wait til next Tuesday!!!

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A weekend full of wonderful mistakes

My intermediate glass bead making class on the weekend was awesome. Fourteen hours of making glass beads and I could have kept going!

In fact, on my drive to work this morning I went right past my turnoff and was halfway to the glass studio before my brain kicked in and forced me to turn around. In the interest of paying the mortgage, my grumpy soul obeyed.

In the words of one of the other glass artists, you have to “suck with abandon” doing art. Well, some of my beads really sucked. Some cracked, some were butt ugly and one of my heart beads looks suspiciously like a tooth. I’m not going to tell you what my sister said it looked like!

But, I learned so much. And, some of the beads turned out great. Even some of the mistakes.

I even made a necklace and earrings. By the way, I suck at wire jewellery making, too, judging by the amount of cursing I was doing and the scattershot of tiny pieces of wire on my dining room floor.

Here’s a sampling of the weekend’s efforts. I can’t wait to get back in the studio and screw up some more!

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I’ll take unapologetically self-confident for $1000, Alex!

This week I was reading about the results of a recent study on the gender difference in the amount of  “uptake” at the end of answers given on Jeopardy!

“Uptake” is when the tone of your voice goes up at the end of a sentence and is associated with uncertainty and lack of confidence.  The  study found that women use uptake more often than men, especially when they are in the lead. The inference is that women are “apologizing” more when they are smarter than their opponents.

As I finish up my less-than-picture-perfect photography class and head off to my intermediate glass bead-making class this weekend, I realize how much this resonates with me.

I was made fun of as a kid for being smart. Well, to be more accurate, I was made fun of for doing well at school. I was good at school. My dad was a teacher and then a vice-principal and I learned to follow the rules. At home, following the rules meant that things stayed peaceful and calm. Or, at least the lid stayed on the tension and stress and did not blow off into a mess of scary chaos and yelling.

But at school I was made fun of for getting high marks.  And, I was teased when I got things wrong, too. Or, when I didn’t get the top mark in the class.  So the message I got was make sure I was extra nice and humble when I did well and don’t take too much credit for my achievements. And, for heaven’s sake, don’t get anything wrong.  Because there is no forgiveness for that.

Kind of confusing for a kid.

But the thing is, neither one of these messages is serving me terribly well as an adult.  On the one hand, I struggle to accept compliments on my photography or glass art and I find it hard to feel that it’s okay to be proud of my work and my art. On the flip side, I am held back by my fear of making mistakes and by the fear that my work is “not good enough”.

I think it might be time to replace those childhood messages with my own confident and unapologetic voice. To remember that most adults aren’t going to act like those few kids who teased me. And, that if I do run into an adult bully, I am so much better equipped emotionally to deal with that situation than my child self was.

To remember that mistakes are part of the learning process and that they are often beautiful in themselves.  Unlike a grade 7 math test, perhaps there are no mistakes in art.

By the way, the study also found that men were no more immune to these gender roles than women.  The research found than men used uptalk more often when correcting a female contestant than at male contestant, perhaps seeking to protect the women from their failure.

So, apparently chivalry isn’t dead yet. At least on Jeopardy! anyway.